Monday column: Going back to your roots

It is funny how people suddenly go back to their roots when they are in deep trouble. It is usually after many years have elapsed when the gap is too wide to close. For some, the attempt is a desperate measure to mend severed links for personal benefits.

When one middle-aged man lost his job, he was faced with a serious problem. He needed support and he needed it fast. It was only natural for him to turn to his relatives for help. They welcomed him though the man had ignored them for years. You would think he would spare a moment apologising but instead, he poured out his problems and he found many listening ears. They rallied around him and got him everything he needed.

These are the same relatives he never visited or even turned up for funerals when his personal life was in full bloom!

Not everybody who deserted their background found a welcoming mat when they go back. When a businessman found himself in liquidation, he saw all the doors of his relatives slamming shut.  They remembered him as a big show-off, arrogant and self-centred. They did not want to welcome him in their lives, why should they and rightly so, too. The irony was that he found himself looking for charity although he never was charitable in the good old days.

Long and lasting bonds have deep roots. You cannot profess undying love when you have nowhere to go. It does not work that way. Many of us take for granted the fact that we can reach for our relatives by just lifting the phone. We rarely do it and the drift becomes like a wall that grows bigger all the time. I guess it all has got to do with personal ambitions and the need to be left alone when the going is good.

In Oman, one family elder turned his farm into a big sanctuary inviting every member of his family in need to live there. He sheltered over forty individuals during his lifetime in his attempt to foster good ties among his relatives. Ten years after he died, the population of the farm double and one would assume that it was a very close-knit community. It was far from the idealism the old man had envisioned. They put boundaries within the farm and every family lived alone in separate areas. Years later, only a couple of families remained. The rest of them sold up their split-up lands and moved on. Why should they share when they could break up for personal benefit? It is hard to keep the bond in time of prosperity. Who needs it anyway when you have everything you want?

No wonder that now they start to talk about establishing state-run old people’s homes. Here in the Gulf, believe or not, many elderly relatives are increasingly left alone. It is something unheard of twenty years ago.  Children only come back to their parents to claim their inheritance. Who needs his roots when they are no crops to harvest? No wonder that in the West some elderly people now decide to leave their entire estates to cats or dogs. They find more comfort from animals than from their own families as they enter the twilight of their lives. It is not all gloom, though. They are still close-knit families around watching over each other to the very end. However, the tradition is a dying breed and the Gulf is no exception. There are no longer tents that keep a big family together anymore but a concrete jungle with thick walls that keep them away.